I don’t remember things in a linear way.
That’s probably why I’ve never written a book.
I get overwhelmed by the details of a story and making sure everything is 100% aligned with my memories. Eventually, I just get frustrated and give up.
However, I wanted to write today because I was inspired on my run this morning.
I was teeter-tottering between thoughts of “do I have a stress fracture,” and thoughts of a man I once believed I was in love with, but now just believe I have tremendous love for. Both of these were unpleasant and confusing.
This past week, in a course I was taking, I ended up in a breakout room with a woman who expressed how much she wanted to be more confident in expressing herself on social media.
It was my first time meeting her, and my initial thought was “wow, she’s really mousy compared to me. I can’t believe people have such a hard time making online videos!”
I believe it was the next day that we were talking about being in practice of something, and the act being in your body, rather than just in your intellect, when this SAME WOMAN…
I was in a pretty intense coaching program all week to add some new tools to my toolbox.
On Wednesday, after what was a VERY emotional morning for me and many others, we came back from our lunch break (at fucking 6:00 pm Eastern time) to be told we would be playing JEOPARDY regarding some material we had to learn before attending this week.
Now, I fucking hate games. I was angry that on Day 3 of this intense, soul-baring program, (and a highly emotional morning) that we’d be playing A FUCKING GAME.
One of the people even made JEOPARDY…
Two February’s ago, I sat in a room with all of the major players in upper management for the restaurant concept that I worked for. It was a training seminar, and for two days, we met in the upstairs of a bar on 44th St. and 9th Avenue here in New York City.
During the training, at some point during those two days, I mentioned to one of the VP’s who was also our Regional Director of Operations something about being “unsuccessful.”
He asked me “what’s the definition of success?”
I could have punched him, but I think of that…
“The high is in the ordinary.”
I was once what Erving Goffman called an “action seeker.” I loved to be in bars because they were spaces where the action was happening.
Even working in Times Square for so many years, I stayed there by-in-large because I liked the constant stimulus. I needed my life to be in constant motion in order for me to feel a sense of pride and purpose.
I really didn’t have any purpose in doing that, though. I just had motion. Motion and more motion and more motion. That was what kept me drinking.
So I was talking with my mentor yesterday about some areas of life I need to work on, and he pointed out some big shifts I’ve made so far — notably, losing a bunch of weight and becoming a runner (although, I’d argue working through the shitstorm of childhood trauma and the subsequent alcoholism was possibly more difficult 😜)
I don’t like to talk extensively about the time I was overweight, so I quickly said “it’s not hard to lose weight. You just have to stop thinking like a fat person.”
I know. “Whoaaaa what a c — -” you’re…
I know… That absolutely sounded like a sexual reference.
And to be fair, I’ve done my fair share of “lying there.” When I was 25, oh, man I’d fucking bend myself into a pretzel for a man. These days, I put so many miles on my body, I expect equal work for equal pleasure.
(Please laugh at my overt honesty. Sometimes it doesn’t translate in text.)
But back to the headline of this blog-
I’m taking a coaching course right now on neuro transformational coaching. …
A big thing a lot of my clients struggle with (and people struggle with in general) is comparing themselves and their individual journeys to the journeys of others.
I have to admit, I have been this way. I was this way for years.
If you knew me a decade ago, every time someone I knew would achieve some sort of “win,” I would feel this little tinge of anger inside.
The anger would usually be followed by a “well, that fucker probably grew up with money. They don’t know how hard I worked just to get out of that deadbeat…
As I sit here this morning, putting off editing Monday’s podcast (which is going to be a great one, by the way, for those of you who are looking to drink a little less,) I got to thinking about my senior year of undergrad when I interned at MTV in Series Development.
(I know, a weird past life.)
I didn’t have any money at the time (the ongoing theme of lack I once talked about,) so I worked at a barin Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania on the weekends to pay for my bus tickets. …
This week, I interviewed my college friend Stephanie Langner on my podcast about long-distance backpacking. She hiked the Appalachian Trail back in 2016 and has since sold her house, quit her job of 11 years, and in less than a month is about to fly to Seattle to begin her 2,600-mile thru-hike from Canada to Mexico on the Pacific Crest Trail.
Stephanie and I reconnected over COVID, believe it or not. It’s weird how life comes full-circle like that. We were always about a degree of separation back then, but a friendship never manifested. …