I was thinking a lot this week about “relationships,” “friendships,” and “family” when it comes to changing your life.
One of the biggest things clients say to me when they’re trying to change one or many aspects of their lives is “well, I’m also in a relationship. Can I ask you about that?”
So, at the risk of you hating a bulleted list, people’s concerns normally are:
- “My partner likes to stay up late”
- “My partner cooks dinner/We usually eat together”
- “I have drinks with “x” person on “such” day”
- Family. (does that need an explanation?)
OK- here’s the hard truth to all of the “relationship” issues you’re going to have when you first start CHANGING YOUR LIFE-
Take a look around at your friends, your partner, and your family members.
With a few exceptions, these people likely are going to be ROADBLOCKS, no matter how supportive they usually are.
The reason for this has absolutely nothing to do with you, but rather, to do with them.
If you change, who the hell would they be? That’s what they’re thinking.
If it’s a partner who likes to stay up with you until 2:00 a.m. for example, but you need to start waking up early to make your schedule manageable, these people might try to coax you to watch “one more episode.”
It isn’t about you. It’s about them. They probably could- wait, fuck probably- they WOULD benefit from going to bed with you, but that change is disruptive, and uncomfortable for them.
Humans don’t like change, especially when it isn’t on their terms.
The same goes true for when you’re trying to drink less. Your romantic partner or your best friends are going to be the main roadblocks to your success. Why?
Because they’ll feel like they’re losing your company, that it “won’t be fun anymore.”
In reality, nothing will change for them at all. They’ll still enjoy your company. The experience for them won’t change, but the thought of it changing will give them immense anxiety. They don’t want to have to renegotiate who they are.
This happened to me when I went to visit my parents when I first started running.
Each time, my mother would try to talk me out of going for my morning run. She didn’t see me as a runner yet, so she found my run to be needless and taking away time from her.
Now, a few years later, it’s not even a conversation. I go for my morning run, and she has since become inspired, bought herself a Peloton bike, and exercises each morning at the same time.
It took time for her to adjust to the new me, as it will for the people in your life. They will, but likely it won’t happen right away.
You’ll encounter a close friend, family member, or partner trying to coax you away from healthy eating, encouraging you to skip the gym, or asking you to stay up an extra hour or two.
Stay strong in developing your new routine. The people in your life will fall in line with it.
However, if you sacrifice what you truly want for their happiness, unfortunately, you’re going to end up staying exactly where you are right at the moment.
I talked a little about this in my podcast if anyone wants to have a listen. (Start around the 12:00 minute mark)
Also, as a reminder, my second round of BETA testers for my 8-week program to GET THE FUCK OFF is going to be starting the first week of April.
If how to navigate the relationships in your life is something you struggle with, this program is designed to help and support you in those areas.
I’ll be sending out more information later this week to my email subscribers! You can get on the list here.
Originally published at https://www.getthefuckoff.com on March 24, 2021.