The “New You” in RELATIONSHIPS

I was thinking a lot this week about “relationships,” “friendships,” and “family” when it comes to changing your life.

One of the biggest things clients say to me when they’re trying to change one or many aspects of their lives is “well, I’m also in a relationship. Can I ask you about that?”

So, at the risk of you hating a bulleted list, people’s concerns normally are:

• “My partner likes to stay up late”
• “My partner cooks dinner/We usually eat together”
• “I have drinks with “x” person on “such” day”
• Family. (does that need an explanation?)

OK- here’s the hard truth to all of the “relationship” issues you’re going to have when you first start CHANGING YOUR LIFE-

Take a look around at your friends, your partner, and your family members.

With a few exceptions, these people likely are going to be ROADBLOCKS, no matter how supportive they usually are.

The reason for this has absolutely nothing to do with you, but rather, to do with them.

If you change, who the hell would they be? That’s what they’re thinking.

If it’s a partner who likes to stay up with you until 2:00 a.m. for example, but you need to start waking up early to make your schedule manageable, these people might try to coax you to watch “one more episode.”

It isn’t about you. It’s about them. They probably could- wait, fuck probably- they WOULD benefit from going to bed with you, but that change is disruptive, and uncomfortable for them.

Humans don’t like change, especially when it isn’t on their terms.

The same goes true for when you’re trying to drink less. Your romantic partner or your best friends are going to be the main roadblocks to your success. Why?

Because they’ll feel like they’re losing your company, that it “won’t be fun anymore.”

In reality, nothing will change for them at all. They’ll still enjoy your company. The experience for them won’t change, but the thought of it changing will give them immense anxiety. They don’t want to have to renegotiate who they are.